Coaching Kids Through Adolescence Hits Different

I had dinner with some women the other night. I knew two of them and had just met the other two, but within minutes it felt like we’d known each other forever.

We laughed most of the evening, like checking-over-your-shoulder-to-make-sure-the-rest-of-the-restaurant-wasn’t-annoyed kind of laughing.

There’s something healing about sitting around a table with other women sharing parenting stories, mishaps, exhaustion, and moments that at one point probably felt impossible… but now somehow make us laugh until we cry.

Several conversations from that dinner deserve their own blog or podcast episode, but one topic stayed with me the most:

Should boys and girls have same-sex coaches during adolescence?

As a life coach, and honestly just as a mom raising teens in sports, I think this conversation matters.

And after sitting around a table with four moms raising both boys and girls, I realized I’m probably not alone in my thoughts.

So here it is:

Yes, I think adolescent girls benefit deeply from female coaches.

Maybe not always their mother… but a woman.

A woman who understands what is happening internally during that phase of life.

The hormones.
The insecurity.
The confidence swings.
The emotional highs and lows.
The social dynamics of twelve girls all starting or navigating puberty at the same time.

A female coach can often speak into those moments differently because she’s lived it.

That doesn’t mean male coaches can’t coach girls well, they absolutely can. Some are phenomenal. But there are moments during adolescence where girls need someone who instinctively understands what confidence looks like in a female body and mind during that stage of development.

And honestly? The same is true for boys.

Teen boys need good men around them.

Men who can call them out on the side conversations, challenge their lack of confidence, push them harder than they think they can go, and still hold them accountable to the team.

There’s a language boys hear differently from men during adolescence.

The other day my son’s coach joked with the boys during practice to bring aggression to the court “like somebody just smacked your momma.”

It landed.

Not because it was some profound statement, but because of who it came from and the energy behind it.

If I had said the exact same thing? It probably wouldn’t have hit the same.

That’s not weakness. That’s developmental reality.

And maybe that’s the bigger point here:

Adolescence changes the way kids receive coaching.

At this age, coaching becomes less about drills and more about identity.

Confidence.
Belonging.
Emotional regulation.
Discipline.
Resilience.
Learning how to respond to pressure.

Sports become one of the places where kids quietly begin becoming adults.

And because of that, representation and relational dynamics matter.

Now, do I think there should only ever be same-sex coaches? No.

Actually, I think there’s huge value in balance.

A male coach with a strong female assistant.
A female coach with a strong male assistant.

Kids benefit from seeing healthy leadership from both men and women.

But if we’re talking specifically about the emotional and developmental side of adolescence? I do think boys and girls often need different things modeled and communicated during this stage.

Agree or disagree, I think it’s a conversation worth having.

Not from a place of division, but from a place of asking:

What actually best supports our kids during one of the hardest, most formative stages of life?

Because coaching at this age isn’t just about the game.

It’s about who they become while playing it.