The Evolution of “Best Friends” and Popularity: A Growing Concern?

As we listen to children of all ages discuss their social lives, one thing often stands out: the concept of "best friends." It's a term many children cling to, often in a way that excludes others. While this behavior is understandable to a point, it raises an interesting question: Can we support the idea of having a "best friend" without reinforcing exclusivity or limiting the definition of friendship?

The notion of "best friends" often seems intertwined with the idea of popularity, creating a social dynamic that can be difficult to navigate. There’s a widespread misunderstanding around what it means to be "popular" and why certain individuals are seen as popular in the first place. Why does there need to be a hierarchy in friendships, where someone is either "the best friend" or just a casual acquaintance?

The truth is, there’s something quite fleeting about the term "best friend," especially between the ages of 3 and 16. One day someone is your "best friend," and the next, they might not be. It’s a concept that feels temporary, especially in childhood when relationships are constantly shifting. And yet, it seems to carry so much weight. But what if we simply focused on cultivating relationships without the pressure to label them as “best” or to define who’s popular?

Don't get me wrong—I completely understand the desire to have a "best friend." It’s a natural part of childhood development to seek close companionship and shared experiences. But I can't help but wonder how we might encourage children to embrace the simpler, yet more meaningful, term: "friend."

When we think of friendship, we often picture someone who supports us, shares our interests, and cares about us. But when we attach the label "best," we risk creating an environment where friendships are measured by exclusivity, popularity, and the ability to "rank" relationships. This kind of thinking can exclude others, creating divisions that don't always need to exist.

The question, then, is how to better nurture relationships where the focus isn’t on who’s "best" or who’s popular, but on the value of simply being a friend. After all, at the core of true friendship is not the title we give it, but the connection we share.

Perhaps it’s not a huge deal to use the term “best friend” occasionally, but we should remain mindful of how exclusive it can feel to those who are left out. As children grow and navigate the complexities of their social lives, maybe the goal should be to emphasize the importance of just being a friend—without labels, without rankings, and without the weight of social popularity.

So, as we continue to help children through the struggles of growing up, let’s encourage them to value relationships for what they are, not for what title they hold. In the end, friendship is about connection, understanding, and support—not popularity or exclusivity.