If Not Us, Then Who?

This weekend we were at a travel basketball tournament out of town.

This group of young men has been one of the more challenging groups I have been around in a while. There have been attitude issues, accountability issues, and moments where I have walked away wondering what exactly we are teaching kids today.

Maybe that's why this hit me the way it did.

I have never understood why we make everything about race.

In our house, you are a human before you are anything else.

Before your skin color.
Before your religion.
Before your politics.
Before whatever box society wants to put you in.

You are a human first.

After the first game the team was standing outside while Coach was breaking down the previous game and getting them ready for the next one. Someone asked who they were playing next.

One of the boys turned around and said,

"A bunch of white boys."

The only problem was he said it standing next to the only other white player on the team besides my son.

For a minute I thought about letting it go.

Nobody likes being the adult who stops the conversation. Nobody likes creating an awkward moment.

But I kept thinking, if I heard a kid say, "We're playing a bunch of black boys," would everyone standing there have been okay with it?

Absolutely not.

So why was this different?

When Coach was finished, I pulled him aside.

I asked him one question.

"What if I had just said we were playing a bunch of black boys?"

He started, "That's not what I meant."

"I wasn't trying to..."

"You know what I meant."

I stopped him.

"No. Don't make something up now. Just own it."

What I wanted was for him to think.

If you immediately start explaining away every mistake, you never actually learn from it.

I told him, be careful, those "white boys" might very well beat your a$$ on the basketball court. At least own what you said.

Again, he started apologizing.

And again, I stopped him.

You don't owe me an apology.

You owe yourself reflection.

Why did you say it?
Who was standing there when you said it?
Would you have said it if the situation were reversed?

That's the conversation.

Not guilt.
Not shame.

Awareness.

Because if we are not teaching kids self-awareness, then what exactly are we teaching them?