Part 2: Boys Do Not Need Less Masculinity

The more I sit with all of this, the more I think one of the biggest mistakes we have made culturally is confusing toxic behavior with masculinity itself.

Those are not the same thing.

At all.

I do not want toxic men raising my daughters someday.

But I also do not want weak men raising them either.

I want grounded men.
Responsible men.
Protective men.
Hardworking men.
Confident men.
Men who can lead families well.
Men who can handle pressure.
Men who know who they are.

I think a lot of mothers of boys quietly feel this exact same tension but are terrified to say it publicly.

Because the second you start talking about boys struggling people immediately hear:
“So you think girls should fail?”

No.

That is not what this is.

Girls succeeding is not the problem.

But boys increasingly feeling unnecessary absolutely IS a problem.

That is the part nobody wants to touch.

Because what exactly are boys being prepared FOR right now?

We tell them:
be confident but not too confident.
Lead but do not offend anyone.
Be masculine but softer.
Compete but not too much.
Take initiative but make sure everyone approves first.

Do boys even know waht healthy masculinity even looks like anymore because most of what they hear is what NOT to be.

I think schools are a huge part of this conversation.

We are raising boys in systems that largely reward behaviors girls tend to adapt to earlier developmentally and then we act shocked when boys disconnect from those environments.

There are fewer male teachers.
Fewer male role models in schools.
Fewer places where healthy masculinity is actually modeled well.

A teacher salary often cannot support a family, especially for men who still feel pressure to provide financially. So we complain there are no male role models while simultaneously creating systems where many men cannot realistically step into those roles long-term.

Then later we wonder why boys are looking for direction online from angry influencers because real-life grounded male mentorship keeps disappearing.

I mean lets be real, I do not think women are happier either.

Women are exhausted.

Now many families require two incomes just to survive. Women are working full-time while also emotionally managing households, parenting schedules, school communication, sports calendars, meals, mental load, and trying to somehow stay emotionally healthy in the middle of all of it.

Men seem lost.
Women seem overwhelmed.
Kids seem anxious.

Maybe instead of fighting over which gender has it worse we should start asking whether the entire system we built is actually working for anyone anymore.

I just know this:
I want my daughters to grow into strong women.

I also want my son to grow into a strong man without feeling like masculinity itself is something dangerous he constantly needs to soften, suppress, or apologize for.

And the fact that even saying THAT feels controversial probably proves the point.