Part One: Where did all the young men go?

I’m over it. Not really a nice way around it. The awards banquet I sat through for 8th grade felt anything but good.

Not because my son did not get an award.
Not because girls were recognized.
And honestly not even because I think the school intentionally did anything wrong.

It was more this overwhelming feeling sitting there that something feels deeply off with what is happening to boys right now.

Out of what felt like 25 awards maybe 3 went to boys. And even those awards largely went to the same boys repeatedly.

Again, before you roll your eyes and close the blog, this is NOT me saying the girls did not deserve it. Many absolutely did. My own son even leaned over and said, “Well to be fair, she’s really smart.”

And she probably is.

That is not the point.

The point is I sat there looking around thinking: At what point did boys become the problem to solve?

Because that is honestly what it feels like now.

I barely even check my kids’ grades unless someone is failing. I stopped hovering years ago because I actually think kids need to feel ownership over their education. I care more about the humans I am raising than report cards. I care how they treat people. Whether they work hard. Whether they can handle life. Whether they are kind. Whether they take accountability.

I think boys know now, very early, exactly what gets rewarded in today’s systems.

Sit still.
Be organized.
Be compliant.
Be emotionally regulated.
Stay focused.
Do the paperwork.
Do not disrupt.
Do not move too much.
Do not roughhouse.
Do not challenge. Too much.

And I am sorry, but many boys naturally develop differently than girls do.

That does not make them broken.

But somewhere along the line it feels like we started treating normal boy behavior as something to constantly correct instead of something to guide.

Too loud.
Too physical.
Too distracted.
Too competitive.
Too much.

I think boys feel they are constantly being molded into versions of themselves that fit systems instead of being developed into strong men.

Not toxic men.
Strong men.

There is a difference.

I have daughters too. I need to keep saying that because people immediately assume if you advocate for boys you somehow hate women now.

I absolutely want my girls strong, educated, capable, independent, and able to support themselves.

But I also do not want my son growing up feeling like masculinity itself is something shameful he constantly has to apologize for.

Because that is honestly where it feels like we are headed culturally.

We keep asking why boys are disengaged.
Why motivation is low.
Why mental health is spiraling.
Why so many young men seem lost.

But you cannot spend 12 years telling boys to shrink themselves and then act shocked when many grow up lacking confidence, direction, and purpose.
Maybe I am emotional after sitting through that banquet.

Something much bigger is happening right now and nobody wants to say it out loud because immediately you get labeled something extreme. Labels don’t bother me, I’ve probably been called worse, but the direction we are going bothers me, far more than any label.