What We Teach When We Avoid
There’s a pattern that shows up in classrooms, in coaching, and honestly, in life:
We avoid the hard moment.
The back talk.
The disrespect.
The blatant disregard for an adult in the room.
We see it. We feel it.
And then… we let it go.
Not because we don’t care.
Not because we don’t notice.
But because somewhere in the back of our mind is the question:
“What will the parent say?”
And if we’re being really honest?
9 times out of 10, that’s the reason.
It’s not the child we’re unsure about.
It’s the potential reaction of the adult behind them.
So we soften it.
We redirect instead of address.
We hope it won’t happen again.
But here’s the part we have to sit with:
Avoiding the behavior doesn’t make it disappear.
It just teaches something else.
It teaches:
That disrespect is tolerable
That boundaries are flexible
That adults will back down when it gets uncomfortable
And kids are paying attention.
Not to what we say we expect, but to what we consistently allow.
So, the real question isn’t just:
“How will the parent respond?”
It’s:
“What am I teaching this child right now?”
Because every moment we choose to avoid…
is also a moment we choose not to lead.
And leadership doesn’t mean harshness.
It doesn’t mean power or control.
It means clarity.
It means being willing to say:
“That’s not how we speak to each other.”
“I’m here to help you, but I won’t be spoken to that way.”
Calm. Direct. Grounded.
And yes, sometimes that means navigating a parent conversation.
But here’s the shift:
We are not here to avoid discomfort.
We are here to guide growth.
And growth requires boundaries.
Consistency.
Follow-through.
So when does the cycle break?
It breaks the moment an adult decides:
“I’m not avoiding this anymore.”
Not out of frustration.
Not out of control.
But out of responsibility.
Because kids don’t need perfect adults.
But they do need adults who are willing to show them
clearly and consistently what respect, accountability, and boundaries look like.