When Did We Decide Respect Was Optional? (And Who Approved That?)
I have a genuine question:
When did we all collectively decide that basic respect was… optional?
Because lately, it feels like some adults are out here acting like they’ve been personally appointed CEO of Every Situation.
Parents yelling at principals over snacks.
Grown adults cussing out teenage referees like it’s the Super Bowl and not a Saturday rec game.
Emails that read less like communication and more like… performance art.
And I keep thinking:
In what world did we decide this was normal behavior?
Let’s be honest people are carrying a lot right now.
Stress is high. Patience is low. Everyone feels like something matters a lot.
I get that.
But there’s a difference between being overwhelmed…
and taking that overwhelm and launching it directly at another human being.
Because somewhere along the line, frustration turned into entitlement.
The kind that sounds like:
“I’ll just say whatever I want.”
“They need to hear this.”
“I don’t care how it comes across.”
And we’ve started confusing being passionate with being disrespectful.
They are not the same thing.
You can advocate for your child without going full courtroom drama on a teacher.
You can question a decision without verbally sparring with a 15-year-old ref who is making $20 and just trying to survive the game.
(Respectfully… if you’re arguing with a teenager about a missed call from last weekend, it might be time to reassess some life choices.)
But here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:
Our kids are watching all of this.
They are watching how we handle authority.
How we respond when we don’t get our way.
How quickly we escalate instead of regulate.
We say we want respectful, resilient kids.
But what they’re seeing is:
React first
Blame loudly
Skip accountability
Double down when challenged
And then we wonder why they struggle to manage emotions or respect boundaries.
That’s not confusion.
That’s modeling.
Now let’s zoom out for a second.
Because underneath all of this is something real:
Unprocessed adult anxiety.
When everything feels high stakes, every situation starts to feel personal.
When we don’t feel in control, we try to take control of something, anything.
And sometimes that “something” is:
A teacher
A coach
An administrator
A stranger who just happens to be in our line of fire that day
But here’s the truth:
Just because you feel it doesn’t mean you get to unload it onto someone else.
We are not living in a free-for-all where the loudest voice wins and the rest of us just deal with it.
Or at least… I hope we’re not.
Because if we normalize this, we’re quietly teaching the next generation:
That respect is conditional.
That authority is optional.
That how you say something doesn’t matter just say it louder.
And that’s a slippery slope toward something none of us actually want:
A culture where no one trusts anyone, no one listens, and everyone’s just… yelling.
Hard pass.
So what comes next?
Not silence.
Not stuffing it down.
Not pretending everything is fine.
But a little more awareness.
A pause before the email.
A breath before the sideline comment.
A reminder that the person in front of you is still… a person.
You can care.
You can advocate.
You can disagree.
But you don’t get to abandon decency in the process.
Because leadership, whether you signed up for it or not, is happening in those exact moments.
In the car line.
On the sidelines.
In your inbox.
And the question isn’t just what do I feel right now?
It’s:
What am I modeling right now?